Sometimes you just need a happy ending.

We never knew why the pig swelled enough to float away with the barn. It landed far away from here near a Canadian farming community not some few miles from Saskatoon. We couldn’t bring ourselves to ask poor farmer Boyd for them back. After all, not only did he need them but they had landed on his wife. She ended up surviving the incident but it had crushed both her legs pretty bad; they had to be removed. Fortunately, after the reverend Forsyth got word of it he pulled “The ladies” together and they all had a pie bake to raise some money to put a big ad in the local newspaper asking for leg donors. They got plenty of sympathy but everyone said they needed both legs. However, all said they would pray for her. This was received as a very nice gesture and it was owed to this that two good Samaritans came offering her an arm each. The doctors said that it was unusual and that they had never personally witnessed it but if Farmer Boyd would say it was ok they would attempt to attach the arms as legs.

The operation was a success even though one of the arms was attached to bend the wrong way. Mrs. Boyd later said this actually helps out in the kitchen.

A day doesn’t go by now that Farmer Boyd doesn’t have a smile on his face. The way the community came through so gallantly, a new barn and pig, and a wife with all kinds of frisky new tricks up her sleeves. Life is good.

Tormen Tagain

Itsbro kenaga in

Iwon der whatthi sisgo ingtolo okli ke.

Wasilla sewer bubbles

This is something I have been wanting to post for a week orso, (whoops, who's Orso?). The problem is that I don't know if it needs anything done for it that it doesn't do itself. Let's just start with a link.(Click on the header to this post)

Trust me, I'll get back to this one after the yeast I've added to my brain, via the post birthing government funded hinged head hatch, has been able to get the fermenting process going well enough. ....Wasilla....creature....playground....homeland security......Sara Palin......Aliens.....ORSO IS THE SEWER FOAM CREATURE!!!

Alaska Wolf control? Bear control? what about.......

While driving to work this morning on the Seward highway into Anchorage I almost hit a damned chiropractor. A little further down the road another one ran out in front of me! Yet another just stood there in the middle of the intersection long enough to disrupt movement and orderly flow through a traffic light. What the hell is going on!? Later in the day I was driving around town on a variety of errands and noticed the absolute proliferation of chiropractic offices. It seems on every corner, in every strip mall, every office building, and most blocks between them is another chiropractic office? How damned many chiropractors does it take in this town?

Now, I have become just a bit concerned that the number of chiropractors is starting to stress the general population. Our auto insurance rates might start creeping up as the industry gets wind of the amount of them coexisting here amongst the rest of us. I would guess that they might far out number the moose, At least in the less rural areas of town. Can you imagine the damage one might do to your car were you to hit one!?

Before too long I suspect that we might see shortages in food stuffs in our grocery stores. This could end up putting the balance between the rest of us and them at teetering odds. I would hate to see their population grow to such a number that they can’t support or feed themselves for lack of clients. How can we get the balance back before it’s too late? Should there be an open season of sorts? Maybe “chiro baiting” might be an option, for a limited time during the regular hunting season.

I wonder if Fairbanks is having the same problem? I imagine they are starting to spread into the Mat-su as well. Wasilla probably has a growing number, as well as Palmer. I don’t even want to think of the outcome and general population stress if more than just a few finally stretched into areas like Chickaloon, Talkeetna, Clam Gulch, Tok, and other towns with moderately low populations.

There is still time. We can control the spread and overpopulation of chiropractors but it must be done humanely. I’m not sure that Arial hunts like we do with the wolves, or a free for all like is going on with the bears in Game unit 16 is the solution but you have to start somewhere. I’m not saying I’m for or against hunts like this but I think that other methods might still be a viable option for Chiro control. Maybe the Alaska game board is already working on a solution. I’m sure they must be aware of this growing concern by now.

Organic Christians

Today we drove to Talkeetna for a reason that has nothing to do with this post other than we drove north to get there and subsequently had to drive south to get home. It was on the southern route of the Glenn Highway somewhere between Wasilla and Anchorage where I caught a quick glimpse of a handmade sign on a stick along the side of the highway. The words were too many to read at last moments notice as it flew by me, (or I should say as my truck flew by it), at around 65 mph but I think I read enough to get the idea, sort of. "...The New Organic Christian....". I think the rest might have read something like; "...next exit", or, "...now open just ahead", or something like that. Leave it to say that it wasn't important enough for me to take such a drastic measure as to stop and back up on the busy highway but it did get my imagination working a little to fill in the blanks of information given in such a short time frame.

What is an Organic Christian? Would they taste any better than a non-organically raised Christian? I would think that maybe a non-organic christian might grill up better as I seem to have noticed on many Sunday mornings while waiting for the backup on the road to clear out in front of their churches that quite the majority seem to be at least a lot obese. All that fat might help the evenness of cooking.

Possibly then would an organic christian be fed healthier foods in avoidance of the gluttony sin that that seems to so invade their non-organic cousins? If so then probably the fat to meat ratio might make for a leaner cut but would require much more sauces and attention while grilling. God forbid we have to keep dumping more of our beer over it to keep it tender and juicy.

I don't eat very much red meat as I like to stick to Fish and chicken mostly. I have no ethical reason to avoid it and do enjoy a good well done cheeseburger on rare occasion. However, if anyone wishes to share their knowledge of this issue, maybe you have seen the sign as well, or would just like to post a recipe or 2 please be my guest.

Another strange evening

I was standing atop our earth sheltered house Last evening when something with huge leathery wings swept down on me. I felt first engulfed by the shadow as it grew to darken the space around me. followed by a gentle uptug in the air around me as it lighted down. Great wings folded around in a terrifyingly beautiful arch. Just as quick they swept away, opening my eyes to the sun and bringing into view a sort of prehistoric bird silhouette many times my own size. They fell again, the wind rushed down and out as if on the run, sweeping the snow and bending the grasses around me. My body was snatched from it's hold upon the ground. The talons were as finely controlled instruments for they gripped me securely yet harmlessly. The ground swept away, I watched my world shrink beneath me as we rose into the evening sky. Why did I not freeze?

Something changed; the night fell into full swing in mere moments, auroras grew fingers as they beckoned to life the string of volcanoes along the peninsula. Then spitting skyward from their throats came music from Illiamna, Stars from Redoubt, Spurr and Augustine shared the ends of a great, whipping, electric arc. The auroras fingertips repelled with small explosions of multicolored lights when making contact with the arc. The inlet grew a foam thick fog which blanketed everything a couple thousand feet thick. It began as a chilling crimson, fading back to the dark grey of stormclouds, upon which then sailed a fleet of wooden warships heading toward a single peak.

I was dropped, My captor had let go his hold, everything in sight returned to normal, a killing chill froze my eyelids shut. I was falling fast toward fate and Cook inlets icy waters when I was snatched again, the scene reverting once again to the same display of otherworld imagery. I shivered the warmth back into me while cradled in some protective bubble that seemed to only follow this creature. We flew toward home, this time the scene smoothly reverted back to normal.

The winds came again as I was lighted down where I left from atop the house. It stood looking at me for a moment, Scratched some sort of symbol in the snow and flew away. It disappeared into the sky long before it should have vanished from sight.

I have a feeling that this is not over. I will be vigilant.

Tormen Tagain

Subject 1.73

"It has become necessary to replace the 2 Breach generators that were previously retracted. All sources of necessary equipment and technologies are being contacted. The split planet still seems to be holding stable and a "web" of sorts has been forming between the two halves. While it doesn't yet seem to actually make contact with either there does seem to be some magnetism forming in synaptical looking fingers between them. It is a disturbingly amazing spectacle.

2 A.M. The Village Inn

Much to the dismay of and sometimes comic relief to the hard working graveyard shift waitresses and waiters in late night after the bar closes munchie havens it is not unusual to find many similarly self induced cognitively challenged individuals as this one.

“Arughthuzapt.” The man slurred to the waitress. “Sir, I’m sorry. Could you repeat your order?” She replied in a tired, depleted voice. Her already building headache began pounding now. “Absthord bich !” he spat out, irritated that she did not understand. A small but visible drool escaped from the corner of the man’s mouth as he shakily rose to leave. He was visibly frustrated with the way he was not treated with the utmost respect from the staff. “Flothrom sfaft dith !” he exclaimed while holding himself upright against an adjoining table. Soon enough the man felt himself become as one with the carpet. “Shlurrrthp.” An odd trailing crept back into his nose as he looked to find his footing. Quickly, he pulled someone’s foot from his mouth. To his almost immediate surprise he noticed they wore the same type shoes as himself. With the same graceful transition he rejoined his friends at their booth, waking one of them through an accidental displacement of a water glass. Just moments later he was able to help the previously unnoticed but kind policemen to their car.

Tormen Tagain