How to get a government bailout

First you must put aside any and all morals you've ever had. Then form a corporation and make all kinds of promises you never plan on keeping. Then, when things get a little tough tell them that you meant to do all those things but your hands were tied because you didn't pay someone enough money to overlook your lack of morals. They'll then start to feel sorry for you, give you another chance, give you a comforting pat on the top of your head and shell out a bunch of money into your bank account without asking you what you're going to do with it.


Now you have plenty of money to hand out to yourself for all kinds of parties, spas, bonuses, etc. to keep your conscience masked so you don't get depressed.

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